that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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