I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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