my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something