OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need a hoe opinion
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.