theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!