No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.