Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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