Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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