problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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