Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
