OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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