As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
