then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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