he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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