oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
