whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He has the fingertips of a God
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