You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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