Swine flu. Run for my life!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
