I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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