he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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