she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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