I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize