Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
