I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.