everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.