you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea