Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.