If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.