I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"