Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
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I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?