you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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