Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?