You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
