3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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