Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
