haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what day is it and did you see me today?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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