I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
