We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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