hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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