wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
