They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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