Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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