U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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