hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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