just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
