When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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