why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
