I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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