1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
