but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
