Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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