i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
