at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I smell stomach acid.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
