areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
