Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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