so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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