I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
try to milk me bitch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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