I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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