It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
