FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i came on her dog
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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