Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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