i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
