It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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