In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
