I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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