WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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